vancecordell

Ok so, I'm tired of this. I can't keep playing these games and letting people run rampant with calling me out on things they know nothing about.

So, first I'd like to say, I do not want sympathy, I do not want to be patronized. So by reading this you agree to those terms, alright?

Good.

Now then, moving on...

What I've been dealing with for the past couple months is nothing more than stress on extreme levels. There's no way in hell I could possible convey through this screen how I've felt or what I've dealt with. All I can offer is some insight into the private life of Vance Cordell..




Life. Fickle thing isn't it? Never seems to go our way, then again sometimes you just can't help but love it. Me? I've been ripped apart and pampered by it all at once, yet things seem to be spiraling downward into an oblivion of chaos right now.

FUCK IT.

Let's see.. I was supposed to have gotten my first ever apartment about 3 weeks ago. We FINALLY after MONTHS of looking find somewhere suitable, and the morning of signing the lease a roommate backs out on us, leaving us stranded, and practically homeless. One of our roommates' lease was up for her apartment and she had to be out by noon the NEXT DAY and she had nowhere to live. (Her family lives in NYC). I was living with a friend (actually, that "friend" was the one who BACKED OUT ON US) and his parents, along with our other future roommate and my best friend Olivia.




Well...

He pussied out and to avoid his parents and us kept spending the night at this former stripper's trailer in the middle of nowhere... ew and yet had no balls to tell us this himself... His mother texted us to let us know he would be backing out because they didn't want him to do so because they thought he'd be around bad people (yet the former stripper he's 'seeing' is so much better of an influence eh?). OH WAIT, they didn't know about her, we had covered for him and lied to his parents about her, even though we had never met her and didn't approve of her (because we're friends... right?).



Anyway, I decided to schedule a photoshoot since I'd only have time for one and I thought treating myself would cheer me up after a rough year...

Cancelled of course, due to inclement weather and the photographer is now out of town until September... So much for treating myself ..



Oh and of course, since I was being thrown out of my "friend's" house because he had lied to his parents about the length of our stay, I had to physically beg my parents to let me move back in (which of course crushed my last shred of dignity since they told me I was a complete failure)

Alas, moving in with dear old mom...

In the first day of moving back, she called me a stupid fag. Gotta love her <3



Also, upon arrival and living back with them, I realized how much I've missed out on my family's lives. My sister is 13 and will be 14 in 22 days... I don't even know her. I know nothing about her. She is always angry at me, yells at me, says I don't care about anyone but myself and I'm never around and she's glad she has another brother to claim instead of me since I "suck at being a brother" (her words).

OH, which brings me to my brother. I haven't seen him on a regular basis since I was 5. We have the same father but different mothers. He's lived in Florida since he was 7 (we're a year and a half apart, but while I'm 18 he's 20) and I usually see him once a year (if I see him). I saw him for one day during his visit this year, and he ignored me :)

Anyway, this post is getting ridiculously long... so

SUMMATION:

Life throws at us more than we can handle sometimes. . . but sometimes we have to suck it up and trudge through it. Yea, people can be bitches, yea, parents can be harsh, and yea, it gives you the mental state that says you have every right to take your anger out on the rest of the world.

THE TRUTH?

You DO NOT have the right to do so. It's not everyone else's fault. That's something I'm having to not only understand, but follow right now. I take my stress out on the world, and continue to let it fester inside. It's not helping...

So, my advice to you:

STEP UP, and take CONTROL of YOUR LIFE. DEAL with the bullshit, you're not the only one going through it, guaranteed ;)

-V